How to Know If Your Child’s ABA Team Is a Good Fit

When a parent hands their child over to a therapy team, especially in ABA or early behavior-based support, it’s not just logistics—it’s heart. One mom recently asked me through tears, “How do I know they’ll treat him right?” That question stuck with me.

Because here’s the truth: the way a therapy team shows up with your child—how they engage, what they prioritize, how much consent your child gets in the process—matters deeply. Not just for progress, but for trust, for safety, for joy.

This post walks you through the four filter words I gave that mom—so you can feel more empowered, more informed, and more able to advocate for the support your child deserves.

Start Here: Ask These Four Questions about Your Child’s Therapy Team

Here’s one simple thing you can do tonight: take five minutes and ask yourself the following four questions about your child’s current team—or any new providers you're considering:

1. Are they honoring my child’s ascent—not just compliance?
2. Do they use trauma-informed care methods?
3. Is it genuinely play-based, not just loosely child-led?
4. Do they understand and apply Hanley’s SBT approach for compassionate behavior learning?

Even if you don’t know the technical terms yet, don’t worry—I’ll walk you through what each means and how to recognize it in real life.

Why This Matters: Long-Term Impact of Therapeutic Relationships

Your child’s early therapy experiences shape more than just skills. They build emotional associations with learning, adults, and support. A team that rushes or overwhelms your child—even with good intentions—can actually increase resistance and anxiety. But a team that moves at your child’s pace, tunes into their signals, and makes the process joyful? That team helps create lasting progress.

This isn’t just about programming—it’s about protection, dignity, and developmental trust.

What to Look for in an ABA Team: Step-by-Step

Let’s unpack each of those four key concepts I shared with that mom:

1. Ascent

Ascent means your child is willingly participating. It’s the nonverbal (or verbal) “yes” that matters—even for non-speaking kids. You want a team that looks for signs your child is opting in to the interaction. And equally important—what's the plan when your child subtly opts out?

• Do they pause?
• Do they back off?
• Do they use that feedback to adjust?

A child’s “no” is just as important as their “yes.” A good team values both.

2. Trauma-Informed Care

Children with a demand-avoidant profile—or just a sensitive temperament—need support that’s gentle, paced, and choice-rich. Trauma-informed care doesn’t just mean avoiding harsh tactics. It means being thoughtful about emotional safety, giving options, and respecting boundaries even when goals still need to be worked on.

If your child shuts down or resists things they even want to do, this is your flag. The team should be building tolerance gradually, not forcing participation.

3. Play-Based Engagement

Here’s a gut check: does your child laugh when the technician walks in? Are they lit up and engaged? Are they playing?

Great therapy should feel like play. Not because nothing’s being taught, but because the structure is so well-designed, your child doesn’t even notice they’re learning. It’s not babysitting. It's playful, purposeful learning.

4. Hanley’s Skills-Based Training (SBT)

Dr. Greg Hanley is a leading voice in compassionate ABA. His skills-based training (SBT) process focuses on teaching communication and cooperation skills in a way that’s safe, joy-filled, and genuinely respectful to the child’s readiness.

If your child is working on tolerating change, waiting, or not getting access to something—they deserve a plan grounded in this kind of compassionate sequencing. Ask the team if they use it. If they don’t? Ask what their alternative is, and how it honors safety and consent.

Real-Life Questions and Scripts You Can Use

Here are a few scripts you can bring to your next team meeting or intake interview:

• “How do you ensure my child is giving ascent throughout sessions?”
• “What’s your approach if my child resists an activity multiple times in a row?”
• “What trauma-informed strategies do you use when a child presents avoidance or shutdown?”
• “How do you make learning playful while still targeting specific goals?”
• “Are you familiar with Hanley’s Skills-Based Training approach?”

You’re not being “that parent.” You’re being a knowledgeable, attuned advocate. And the right team will welcome that.

When to Seek Support

If your gut is unsettled, if you’re not seeing joy in sessions, or if your child seems to be resisting more than engaging—it’s worth taking a closer look. Sometimes it’s a mismatch in style, sometimes it’s a need for more training. And sometimes the whole team might need redirection.

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Need Help Evaluating Your Child’s Program?

If you want a second set of eyes on your child’s ABA approach—or you’re about to start and want to know what to look for—I’d love to help. You can schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me to talk through your child’s needs and make sure they’re getting the most compassionate, evidence-based support possible.

FAQ

What does “ascent” look like if my child doesn’t speak?

Non-speaking children can show ascent through body language, engagement, smiling, participation, or even looking toward an activity. Likewise, withdrawal can look like turning away, disengaging, or pushing materials away. A good team is trained to read those signals.

What is trauma-informed ABA?

It’s an approach that centers emotional safety, choice, and regulation. Instead of forcing through resistance, trauma-informed providers build participation slowly, with trust and support. It’s the opposite of old-school compliance training.

Does play-based mean they aren’t working on goals?

Nope! The best therapists are layering in learning within play. It might look like they’re just playing house, but they’re targeting language, turn-taking, flexible thinking, and more—all through connection and fun.

What’s the difference between child-led and adult-directed?

Child-led means following the child’s interests. Adult-directed means the adult is still responsively shaping the environment for learning. Great therapy blends both—your child leads the way, and the therapist gently guides growth along the path.

Where can I learn more about Hanley’s Skills-Based Training?

Great question. This approach is gaining traction for good reason. You can ask your provider if they’ve been trained in it—or feel free to reach out and I can point you toward current resources or help you review your team’s current methods.