5 Simple Ways to Build Connection with Your Autistic Child Through Everyday Play

When your child is newly diagnosed, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by everything you "should" be doing. But here’s a truth I want you to hold onto: connection—real, joyful, face-to-face connection—is one of the most powerful things you can build right now. And it doesn't require expensive materials or a therapy room. It can start tonight, with something as simple as a toy car or a bubble wand.

A Simple First Step You Can Take Today

Start by using your child’s favorite activity as a way to bring them into interaction with you—not by taking it away, but by joining them in their joy.

Let’s say your child lights up at the sight of their toy car. If you’re the one holding it, pause for a beat. Don’t hand it over right away. Instead, see if your child glances at your face. That moment of shared attention? That’s engagement. That’s connection being built, brick by brick.

This isn't about forcing eye contact. It’s about gently layering in shared moments during things your child already loves.

Why This Matters (A Developmental Perspective)

So much early learning happens inside these micro-moments of connection. When your child notices you noticing them—it builds what’s called social referencing, a foundation skill for communication, imitation, and emotional sharing.

Autistic children may engage differently, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want connection. It just means we might need to adjust our approach—meeting them where they are and building from the inside out.

Early interaction shapes how your child learns to send signals (“I want more bubbles!”), read cues (“She’s smiling, she wants to play!”), and eventually use language with purpose and joy.

5 At-Home Strategies to Boost Engagement

1. Turn motivation into interaction. When your child wants something—like a snack, toy, or song—pause for a moment. Look for signs your child is referencing you (a glance, a vocalization, reaching toward you). Offer the item after a tiny social moment, so you're reinforcing attention to people as part of the communication loop.
2. Join their solitary play. If your child is watching a train roll back and forth alone, don’t pull them away. Get on the floor with them. Make “choo choo” sounds. Let the train “tickle” their arm and see if it gets a grin. Your goal? Shift the play from solo to mildly interactive, without taking away their joy.
3. Reimagine story time. Instead of sitting your child in your lap with their back to you, try sitting opposite them. Hold the book so you're face-to-face and can point out pictures as you read. This gives more opportunities for shared focus and eye gaze—plus it mimics how preschool teachers read to groups.
4. Make yourself the “fun” source. Develop simple games where you are the thing that makes it fun—peekaboo, swinging in a blanket, a tickle monster game. When the good stuff comes from engaging with you, your child has more incentive to connect, share, and eventually initiate with you.
5. Pause within activities to create space. Whether it's blowing bubbles or singing a favorite song, leave a brief pause before the next bubble or verse. This tiny wait time gives your child a chance to request “more,” gesture, vocalize, or look at you. It models turn-taking and communication beautifully.

Let’s Make This Practical: Real-Life Scripts & Setups

• Bubble Play: You blow a bubble. Your child looks excited. You hold the wand ready but pause. Say, “What do you want next?” Wait. If they say “bubbles” or give a cue, delight and blow again with praise: “Bubbles! Yes! You told me!”
• Train Engagement: You join them on the floor. Say, “Choo choo is going up your leg! Tickle tickle!” See if they smile or laugh. Then pause and watch—do they look at you, hand the train to you, or make a sound to continue?
• Books Face-to-Face: You sit across from your child. Use an animated voice: “Look—it’s a cow! Moooo!” Tap the page, then point to your face. “Where’s your cow sound?” Celebrate any attempt to join in—word, moo, or smile.

When to Seek Support

If your child is showing limited interest in faces, struggling to engage during play, or not yet using gestures, sounds, or early words to communicate, trust your instincts. You’re not overreacting. You’re being proactive—and that matters.

Many parents find themselves unsure whether their child’s play or communication is typical. If that’s you, I created my free developmental milestones guide to give you clarity and peace of mind. It's designed to help you spot early strengths and challenges—so you know where to start.

Need More Support?

If you're looking for more personalized guidance on how to support your child's communication and connection during daily routines, you can schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me to see if consultation is the right next step for your family. You're not alone—and you don’t have to figure this out by yourself.

FAQs

How can I help my autistic child engage more during play?

Start by joining their existing interests rather than redirecting them. Use what motivates them—like bubbles, cars, or songs—to build in playful back-and-forth moments, even if they’re short. Engagement starts with connection, not compliance.

Is solitary play a red flag for autism?

Not necessarily. Many toddlers, autistic or not, engage in solitary play. But if your child rarely includes others in play, doesn’t respond to your voice, or doesn’t look to you during exciting moments, that may indicate areas to support. Refer to my free developmental milestones guide for more clarity.

What if my child doesn’t respond when I pause or join in?

Don't give up! Engagement is a skill that develops over time. Keep showing up, keep offering those little openings, and celebrate tiny shifts—an extra glance, a smile, a reached hand. You're planting seeds.

Should I wait until speech therapy starts to work on communication?

Nope. You can start supporting connection and communication right now—through play, shared activities, and simple routines. Early moments of interaction build the foundation for everything that follows.

Can I still connect with my child if they avoid eye contact?

Absolutely. Shared attention doesn’t have to mean eye contact. Look for engagement in other ways: turning toward you, imitating, smiling, reaching for your hand. Connection is bigger than one behavior—it’s a pattern of shared joy and meaning.