Potty Training Poop Struggles: What to Do When Your Child Resists

Let’s have the conversation no one really wants to have—but so many parents need. I’m talking about poop. Specifically, when your young autistic child is struggling with toilet training, won’t poop on the potty, or even engages in distressing behaviors like smearing or attempting to eat it. If this is you right now—I want you to know you’re not alone. You’re not doing anything wrong. And you’re not out of options.

I’ve worked with children with developmental differences for over two decades, and this topic comes up more often than most people realize. It’s sensitive, stressful, and sometimes outright overwhelming. But there are things you can try tonight to make progress.

A Simple Shift You Can Start Tonight

Start by observing when your child typically has a bowel movement. If there's no regular time yet, try this: after dinner, about 15 minutes later, sit your child on the toilet—even if they’re not showing signs of needing to go. Why? Because this is when digestion naturally triggers the body’s urge to eliminate. The timing alone can help support a more predictable routine for poop success.

If your child usually waits and goes during nap or nighttime, consider the environment. Many kids have learned to go only when they're alone, in a dark and quiet space like their bedroom. That setting has become part of the “cue” their body associates with pooping. You can honor that by putting a small potty chair in their bedroom at those usual times. Yes, it might feel odd, but it gives their body a familiar setting while you build toward bathroom consistency over time.

Why This Matters Developmentally

Toileting is a major developmental milestone—and it’s not just about physical readiness. It’s about motor planning, sensory processing, communication, and emotional regulation. For many autistic children, poop can be especially tricky. The physical sensation, the act of sitting and releasing, the transition out of diapers—all of it can cause confusion, discomfort, or distress.

Behaviorally, a child may avoid pooping on the toilet because they don’t know what’s expected, they’re anxious, or they haven’t made the connection between using the potty and getting something meaningful in return. That brings us to the next step: motivation.

Step-by-Step Strategies to Support Pooping in the Potty

1. Identify timing: Track your child’s poop schedule for a few days. Look for natural patterns.
2. Create a consistent routine: Try potty time 15 minutes after dinner each night. Keep it calm and predictable.
3. Adjust the environment: If needed, bring a small potty into the bedroom at nighttime or naptime. Match the setting to what their body is already used to.
4. Use a strong reinforcer: Find something your child loves. Maybe it's bubbles, music, a favorite video clip, or a small treat. Only offer it after a successful poop in the potty.
5. Minimize pressure: Keep your tone light and encouraging. Praise effort, not just results.
6. Stay neutral about accidents: If there’s a diaper poop, clean it calmly. Avoid punishment or shame.

Real-Life Scripts You Can Try

Here are some simple ways to talk to your child about pooping—in ways that reduce stress and increase clarity:

• Before sitting: “After dinner, it’s potty time. We’re just sitting to help your body get ready to go poop.”
• If your child resists: “We’re just sitting for one minute. You don’t have to poop yet. Your body will tell you when it’s ready.”
• When they succeed: “You pooped in the potty! That was amazing. You earned your [reinforcer]!”
• During accidents (avoid shame): “Poop goes in the potty. Let’s clean up and try again next time.”

When to Seek Support

If your child:

• Regularly smears or ingests their poop
• Seems distressed before or after bowel movements
• Is over 4 and hasn’t initiated potty training
• Isn’t responding to reinforcement-based strategies

…then it’s a good time to reach out. These behaviors can signal sensory or communication needs that deserve attention and support. You’re not failing—you’re just bumping up against something that needs a little more expert guidance.

Need Clarity on Timing and Readiness?

If you're not sure whether your child is developmentally ready for toilet training—or you're wondering how their skills compare to typical progress—I’ve created a resource to help. Download my free developmental milestones guide to get a clear picture of what to expect and when. It’s designed to give you peace of mind and actionable next steps.

Want to Talk Through Next Steps?

Sometimes, just having a real person to walk through challenges with makes all the difference. If you’d like more personalized support with potty training or other home routines, you can schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me to see if consultation is the right fit for your family.

FAQ

What if my child only poops in their diaper?

Try bridging the gap gently. Start by changing the setting—allow diaper poops on a small potty or in the bathroom to begin making the association without requiring full use of the toilet yet. Reinforce any progress.

Why is my child smearing poop?

This can happen for sensory reasons, a lack of understanding, or attention-seeking. It's not unusual, but it is a signal that your child needs more support. A structured routine, supervision, and redirection paired with strong reinforcement can help reduce it.

How do I know if it’s a sensory issue?

If your child avoids pooping, seems distressed by the physical sensation, or won’t sit on the toilet, sensory sensitivities may be part of the picture. Occupational therapy or guided parent coaching can identify strategies to help.

What if my child is afraid of the toilet?

Start by desensitizing gradually. Let them sit fully clothed first. Make the bathroom a positive, pressure-free place. Use a smaller potty if the big toilet seems overwhelming.

How long should potty training take?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on readiness, communication, consistency, and reinforcement. Some kids take weeks; others take months. What matters is progress, not perfection.