Why Labeling Isn’t the First Step in Teaching Autistic Children to Talk

It feels like it should work. You show your child a picture of a toy or food, they say the word, and voilà! Language, right? But here’s the surprising truth: just because your child can label a picture of a hamburger does not mean they’ll know how to ask for one when they’re actually hungry.

This disconnect is especially important to understand when supporting language development in autistic toddlers. And if you’ve ever spent time drilling picture cards and felt like it just wasn’t clicking — you’re not alone. The way autistic children learn language often requires a different starting point.

Start With Words That Get Their Needs Met

Here’s a simple place to begin: focus on requesting, not labeling. Think about what your child wants during the day — snack, milk, swing, tickles — and give them words, signs, pictures, or gestures that help them ask for those things.

This approach teaches language that your child can use right now to get something they want. That’s powerful. It’s motivating. And it’s how language becomes functional.

Why This Matters: Function Before Form

Neurotypical children often only need to hear a word in one setting before they start to apply it in new ways — that’s called generalization. But many autistic kids need more direct and specific teaching to be able to use a word across different situations.

So, if your toddler learns to say “hamburger” while looking at a flashcard, that doesn’t mean they’ll know how to say “hamburger” when they’re at the dinner table and hungry. Without targeted support, those two tasks — labeling and requesting — don’t automatically transfer.

That’s why I always start with language that has functional value — words that help your child get their needs met. This builds the foundation for later language development like labeling, commenting, and answering questions.

Step-by-Step: Teaching Requests That Stick

1. Identify motivating items or activities – Watch what lights your child up. Favorite snacks? A certain toy? A video they love?
2. Withhold access briefly – Hold the item or wait before giving it, creating motivation to communicate.
3. Model the request – Say or show the word: “Want ball?” or sign or point to a picture. Keep it short and concrete.
4. Help them complete the request – You might guide their hand to point, offer a word to repeat, or accept approximations.
5. Immediately reinforce – Give the thing they requested right away. That positive consequence helps the word stick.

This process is called mand training in the ABA world, but don’t let the jargon turn you off — it's simply teaching a child how to ask for what they want, one motivating item at a time.

How It Looks in Real Life

If your child loves bubbles and reaches for the container, here’s a simple script you could use:

• You (holding the bubbles): “Bubbles! Want bubbles?”
• Child (reaches or signs or says “buh-buh”)
• You (immediately start blowing): “Yes! Bubbles!”

This kind of back-and-forth is joyful, powerful, and teaches communication in a way that directly benefits your child. Labeling comes later — trust the process.

When to Seek Support

If your child is showing limited use of words, signs, or gestures by 18–24 months — especially if they’re mostly quiet, echoing, or using words inconsistently — it’s worth getting a closer look at how their communication is developing. I created my free developmental milestones guide to give parents clarity and peace of mind about what to look for and when to take action.

And remember — requesting is not just about speech. If your child isn’t talking yet, we can still build meaningful ways for them to communicate starting tonight.

Looking for Personal Guidance?

If you’d like more personalized support, you can schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me to see if consultation is right for you & your family. It’s a chance to get insight into your child’s specific learning style and what you can do next to support connection and communication.

FAQ

What’s the difference between labeling and requesting?

Labeling means naming something you see — like saying “apple” when you see an apple. Requesting is using language to get something you want — like saying “apple” because you’re hungry and want to eat one. For autistic children, these are often separate skills that need to be taught differently.

Why do autistic children need more direct teaching for language?

Many autistic children don’t automatically generalize language across situations. They might learn to say a word in one setting, but not use it spontaneously in another. That’s why we teach each early skill intentionally — so communication becomes useful and flexible over time.

Is it okay if my child isn’t labeling objects yet?

Absolutely. Labeling is important down the line, but it’s not where we begin. Start with helping your child request the things they love — food, toys, tickles, music. That’s the path to meaningful communication.

Can I use this approach even if my child isn’t talking yet?

Yes. You can teach requesting using signs, gestures, pictures, or speech — whichever mode works best for your child right now. The goal is expression, not perfection.

How do I know what my child is motivated by?

Watch your child in everyday routines. What items do they reach for, smile at, or grab? Those are high-motivation anchors for teaching the first words or signs they'll use to request.